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Jul. 5th, 2009 | 12:15 am

My life lately...

I believe that I have some kind of social anxiety disorder, for the last several months I haven't wanted to leave the house for almost anything.  Because of this I think I've alienated some people, and because of that they don't really come around anymore.  Because of this I feel sad and alone.  The very definition of catch 22.

I have a girl who for all intensive purposes is madly in love with me.  Maybe because of me feeling worthless, or maybe because I feel sorry for her I think I've been leading her on.  Maybe I just don't know how to react to someone actually liking me instead of my whole life of it being me liking someone.  As David Hasselhoff would drunkenly say on the floor of a hotel room: "THIS IS A MESS!!!"  Instead of actually trying to give a damn about this girl, I pine away for a girl in the office, that is 20,000 leagues under the sea of me...plus I think she's married.  So I hopelessly stare everyday, and surely will end up being accused of sexual harassment for it.

I have one friend at work who's actually probably the closest thing I have to a friend right now...yet I'm routinely cruel to her.  She's good natured and gets that I'm joking, yet I know I'm going to eventually say something that goes to far and ruin that.

Even though I'm constantly afraid of layoffs, I'm in the middle of possibly purchasing a brand new car...not a used car that I call new, but an actual new car.  I have anxiety about this now, getting so frustrated at being outperformed by other workers at the job that I almost went into a fit of rage...so afraid of getting a car, and then losing the job.

Been a mental case lately, and for the first time is actually thinking of getting some professional help.  I have the insurance to cover it, so why the hell not?

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